Friday, September 28, 2012
Me and my Nana when I was about a year and a half. I loved spending time with my Nana and treasure the relationship I had with her. I think it started was when I was 4 or 5 I would spend a week in the summer down at her house and I loved it! I was so spoiled. I give Nana credit for my love of crime shows. We used to watch all the shows together when I was about 10 or so. Once school started up again in September I would call Nana for updates on the soaps too. :) It was so much fun and there are very few days that go by where I don't think of her.
No great apples down here in TX like there are up in New England, so for the past couple of years my Mom has shipped us apples. SO yummy! Here's a before and after picture of last year's apples.
Our embryo, Fred....really hoping things are going well...we will find out more on Tuesday when we go in for our first ultrasound. I've had lots of anxious moments this week (especially yesterday) so I am trying hard to stay positive and hope for the best.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
1. I went to college in Boston and absolutely loved it. I went to a small school and it was just right for me. Made some great friends there, just wish we did a better job staying in touch. A friend and I headed out to Cleveland Circle one day and when it was time to head back towards school we saw that the T coming and I decided to run to catch it because I didn't want to miss it. Well, when I did that I managed to run in front of another train. My friend said my life flashed in front of her eyes when I ran in front of the train. Apparently, the T driver looked at her like "What the hell did she just do??" Thankfully I am here to tell the story! 20+ years later we still talk about that day. :)
Here's a picture for you...I am pretty surprised I found one that looks so similar to what the trains were like that day.
2. Growing up with two brothers I started to enjoy sports at a fairly early age. I had a crush on a boy when I was in the 9th grade who was on the basketball team and I decided that it would be good if I started to follow the Cetlics. So one night I watched a game with my brothers and had them teach me all of the players on the team. I memorized them according to their number. The more games I watched the more I liked it and actually started liking the games for myself and not just to impress a boy. Well, over time I became obsessed with Danny Ainge. My bedroom was plastered the pictures of him cut out from the newspaper and the magazine Celtics Pride. In one of the issues the cover story was about Danny Ainge and his family...you know that went right up on the wall after I was done reading it. Only thing is, once it was on the wall I placed a piece of paper over the picture of Danny's wife's face!
3. I once donated to the Sierra Club due to PMS. I was home alone one night watching the Jimmy Fund Telethon and became super emotional during a Q&A session they were airing. People had donated money in order to get to participate in the session with some of the Red Sox players. Well, one of the questions was asked by a little kid and he asked one of the pitchers what it felt like when he gave up a home run. The way he answered the question and spoke directly to the boy who asked it had me blubbering. I was so tempted to pick up the phone to donate right then and then but there was a knock on the door. It was someone asking for donations for the Sierra Club...within a few minutes of the explanation of the club and what the money would do they were walking away with a check from me!
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
I have to call in the morning to schedule our first ultrasound for next Tuesday. This still feels surreal to me.
My prog.estrone level was really good (48) so I get to continue with the PIO shots...I am not complaining though! Who cares if my backside is bruised and lumpy if it's helping.
Monday, September 24, 2012
I can't thank everyone enough for all of your congratulations and kind words after I announced the BFP. It feels so strange to have shared the news with so many people...we shared with a lot more people IRL as well. We kept the second and third pregnancies pretty private and only let family members know when I had miscarried. We only told my mom about the third pregnancy but in the same day I told her I also had to let her know we lost it. It's been such a bumpy road for us and I know I am going to be anxious until 10 weeks...we've never made it that far. I know the anxiety won't end magically at 10 weeks, I am sure it will continue. Just really, really hoping I actually make it that far.
Over the weekend we cleaned up the spare bedroom a bit in preparation for J's mom and her husband's visit next month. More than once we talked about "if this becomes the baby's room". I truly hope that we get to decorate it as a nursery.
When I saw this quote it describes how I am feeling about this pregnancy pretty accurately...I know that if we lose this baby it's going to hurt like hell no matter if I dreamed about a nursery or not. So for now, I am going to dream (albeit, cautiously).
This is the necklace that I wear every day and it represents our three losses. The heart is for our 3rd loss as we lost him/her the day after our first ultrasound where we were able to see and hear the heartbeat. I often find myself reaching up for the charms when I find myself thinking about the babies we've lost.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Here is a picture of one of the few flowers that is still blooming. Most of them are looking pretty sad due tothe drought this summer.
Now, believe me, my name and fashion are typically not in the same sentence; unless someone might have referred to me as a fasion question. :) So I give you my most "fashionable" accessory...my Kate Spade sunglasses. (Please excuse the weird face I was making...took the picture while waiting for the train to pass by.)
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Here is my Autumn picture:
Fall in New England is soooo very different than fall in Texas. Fall used to mean: apple picking, cooler weather, leaves changing color and football. Now it means: the grass turning green again, temps in the mid-80s or low 90s, and FOOTBALL. We've only been on one high-school football game so far since we moved down here but hope to get to another one soon. When we did go I managed to fall going up the bleachers and sprained my ankle.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Today I find myself in a place where I haven't been for a year...I am pregnant. :) On Tuesday I had my first beta - 140 - today I went in for the second beta and hope to have the results in a few hours. The last few days have been pretty surreal for me. This morning when I went in for my bloodwork I received more congratulations and the tech drawing my blood commented that I must be ecstatic...I said yes, but anxious too. From November 2010 - October 2011 we suffered 3 early losses...ask me at 10 weeks if I am ecstatic and I am sure the answer will be yes!, until then, I am cautiously excited about all of this. It's all been such an emotional roller coaster and I know the ride is far from over.
I thought I'd take the time to share some non-IF stuff about me too...I feel like I need to remind myself that life is not just about the IF journey.
- My husband, J, and I live in Texas - about 2200 miles away from our friends and family. We love it down here but sometimes it gets tough as we haven't really made a lot of friends (yet?!?).
- We have two golden retrievers that are just great - their pictures make regular appearances here on the blog.
- We are in love with Ambergris Caye, Belize - we were married there in 2010 and hope to someday own a condo down there...we'd love to become snowbirds. (Pictures of Belize can also be found here quite often!)
- I am a big sports fan...I attribute this to growing up with two younger brothers. I am a big Notre Dame fan, my youngest brother and his wife went to school there. Even though I live in TX I still follow my Boston teams religously (Well, except the Red Sox this year...back to the mantra of maybe next year will be the year.)
- I am a huge Dave Matthews fan, as J says, I am probably one of his biggest non-smoking fans! I saw him at Fenway Park while I was on crutches with a broken foot. Hands-down one of the absolute best concerts ever!!
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
My HCG came back at 140 and I go back in on Friday for the next round of bloodwork...fingers are staying crossed!
We are waiting for the test results...should have them in about 30 minutes. I have my fingers and toes crossed! I feel like we are getting the premium service we paid for. Due to a misunderstanding the blood work is being done in-house and we don't have to wait hours for the results.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Day 12: Run
I don't run...I think if I did I'd end up with black eyes thanks to the girls! So you get the blurry picture as the dogs run by. When they are out they love, love, love to run and chase one another!
Day 13: Roald Dahl
When I saw this prompt I immediately thought of James and the Giant Peach...so you get peaches :)
Double-fiber bread = lots of grain!
Day 15: Alice in Wonderland
This was J's idea - I was clueless. Sorry it's a little blurry, the puppies don't really enjoy their bunny ears!
Day 16: New
We went grocery shopping today and I knew I wanted ice cream of some sort so I am trying something new. Ben & Jerry's Greek Frozen Yogurt...Blueberry and Vanilla with Graham Cracker. I tried it as soon as we got home. This was something my mom taught me...she always let us have a taste or two of the ice cream when we got home because she thought that was when it tasted best because it's just a little bit melted.
As for me aside from the photo challenge, I am doing okay. I feel like I've not posted about how I am doing so I can try to forget about everything even though I think about it allt he time. This weekend was rough - such a roller coaster of emotions again. I had a meltdown last night because I worry this is not going to work. Today seemed much better, I felt more like myself, snapped less at J and had a pretty good day. Loved having a lazy Sunday - it rained almost all day, which was great!
Needless to say, every time I use the bathroom I check the TP afterwards and it feels like I've won some small prize when I don't see anything. Well, I lost tonight - the paper was pink. I lost it. J told me to not give up yet. I am going to do my best to stay strong until Tuesday but I know it's going to be a challenge.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Just a little bit of the back story first...I work in a pretty small office. There are 20 of us now, but when I first started there were only 10. My boss is great - super friendly, easy to talk to - almost everything I could ask for in a boss. He knows about my miscarriages and knows that we are going through IVF. He's heard my horror stories about the blood draws and seen the bruises. :)
J is out of town for the night for work so I am going into the dr's office tomorrow morning for my PIO.
As my boss was leaving for the afternoon and I reminded him I'd be late tomorrow. (He knew I had to go in for the shot. I told him there was no way I was attempting it on my own. He agreed!) I then told him how J had to get up at 3:30 this morning and then how he woke me up at 4:00am to give me the shot. My boss agreed it was not the way to be woken up. It was a really funny interaction and afterwards I couldn't help but think "Wow, did I really just say that?". When he left he told me to "have fun". :)
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Here is my blue. I wanted to get a better picture of an American flag today or better yet, an American and Texan flag hanging together. Many of the flags were at half-mast today. As I was driving to work I realized I didn't remember today's prompt but was hoping I'd be able to add a flag. It was a beautiful day here in San Antonio and reminded me so much of the morning of September 11, 2001.
After reading Stupid Stork's post today about 9/11 I thought I would do my best at writing one as well. It amazes me sometimes how well I remember that day. I lived north of Boston at the time and worked in Charlestown (which borders Boston) as an admin at a research lab and had a view of the airport tower from my office window. My youngest brother IM'd that morning and said a plane had struck the World Trade Center, I immediately looked out the window and replied "I don't see anything." (I had a view of the Boston World Trade Center as well.) Then he said "No, K, the one in New York." The news started to spread throughout the department and we quickly gathered in the conference room where we had a tv. One of our biggest concerns at the time was for a co-worker's husband who is a pilot. At that point no one knew which airlines had been affected. We all sat together in silence as the 2nd plane crashed into the tower. We went from trying to watch the television coverage to checking things online. The department became one that day.
Once we decided it was time to start going home I had co-workers encouraging me to leave as I had to tack the train home. I hesitated because I felt better being around people and I kenw once I got home I'd be alone (at the time I was living with my Mom and she was scheduled to work a double-shift that day). I finally did get to the train station and it was such an odd feeling. There was a strong police presence and barriers had been put in place. I all of a sudden realized how vulenerable I was going to be during that hour ride home. It was such an interesting ride home. Strangers were talking a lot more than normal and asking each other how they were doing.
When I got home I was glued to the tv. My Mom ended up coming home for a bit, because as she put it she just needed to come home and hug me.
I was lucky enough to not lose anyone that day but I knew several people who did and heard of more than one close call. Close friends of my youngest brother worked in Tower One and were late going to work that morning because they had worked so late the night before. I, like Stupid Stork, wonder what it was like for people in the middle of the country or the South. It sometimes surprises me how often I think of that day. When I see 9:11 on a clock it's the first thing I think of.
Tonight, hug each other a little tighter and say that extra "I love you".
Monday, September 10, 2012
I give you my Honey-bear. I know it's a super-cheesy nickname but it's what we use for each other. :)
J actually asked if I was going to use his picture for the prompt "Honey".
Day 10: Morning
I start my morning off with a blood draw - that's a whole stoy all by itself! - but I made sure to appreciate the weather and the sunrise as I started my day. We tied a record-low temp this morning...60! I am embarassed to say it felt a little chilly to me!
We had a rough day yesterday, our boy dog Garnett had a seizure. We all got out of the way and let him ride it out, but it was so scary. He had 2 seizures at the end of October last year and has been on meds ever since. This was the first time he's had one since he went on the mediciation. J and I were both blaming ourselves for it. He's supposed to have his seizure meds every 12 hours and we've been lax in that schedule since he's been on the antibiotics. We are getting back into our routine (although I did have to remind J about it today as I had to go get blood drawn and he was the last one to leave the house). Really hoping this helps gets thing back on track for Garnett. We definitely gave him (and Sadie!) lots extra love yesterday.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
What better to represent "Golden" then our two golden retrievers :)
Pictures taken right after they got back from the groomers...they hung our at the groomers during the time of the transfer and a couple of hours afterwards so I could rest quietly. They both passed out when they got home!
Day 8: Music
Dave Matthews Band - love, love, love Dave :)
I ended up learning about DMB after a bad break up about 10 or so years ago when I went to go visit some friends for the weekend. After that I became obsessed. I only had a tape deck in my car at the time so I made a copy of my Ants Marching cd and literally that was the only tape I listened to when driving. Since then, listening to Dave at important moments has happened time and time again. During our first miscarriage when we were in the exam room and I was in a lot of pain while waiting to be seen J started playing Dave on his phone for me. It was a huge help. We almost had a DMB song as our first dance but decided it would have been too much of a "me" song not an "us"song. Throughout our IVF journey we've often used the lyrics "You and me together, we could do anything" from the song You & Me as a way to say "it's going to be okay".
Friday, September 7, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Day 4: School
We continue to be in awe of the location of the schools in Ambergris Caye when we go. So, please forgive me by using a previously taken photo. I do think you'll enjoy the pictures though :)
The first time we went to San Pedro we woke up to the sound of the laughter of children. We thought that perhaps there was some sort of parade going one. We were pretty surprised to realize that our hotel was located right next to the Cahtolic school on the island. I couldn't find the good pictures I have of that school, so instead you get pictures of the public school that is located down the beach.
This was an easier prompt for me. I knew I'd take a picture of one of my favorite books, Jane Eyre. Well, then I opened the cabinet that holds my books (I cannot wait to get a real bookcase!)...I thought, hmm, maybe I'll take several of my favorites and take a picture of them together. Then I saw Tiger Eyes...my Nana gave me this and it's always been very special to me. (I received some sort of 80s mix tape that same Christmas and would sit and listen to it while reading this book. To this day I can hear certain songs and remember what part of the book I was reading.) I have such wonderful memories of time spent with my Nana and seeing this book brought so many of them back.
- Our tenant in MA seems to have trouble paying the rent. He gets on my last nerve on a regular basis. He's on a payment plan of making weekly payments because paying monthly didn't seem to work for him. Last weekend we were supposed to make a deposit. I decided to check my balance first, to my surprise the check from the week before bounced. It took until today to get any information from him. I don't know how much longer we can deal with him.
- We let the dogs sleep with us last night - I think I got the least amount of sleep out of the 4 of us. BUT on a positive note, we heard from the vet this morning and Garnett's blood work came back with good results...the antibiotics are working and his platelet levels are back to normal. (I can't remember if I posted that he had contracted a tick-borne disease. Poor thing.)
- I am lonely. I value the incredible women I have met through the magic of blogging but what I wouldn't give to have IRL friend call and ask how I am doing. I have 2 friends who know about the miscarriages, but not the IVF, and I could not tell you the last time I heard from them just saying "Hey, how are you doing?" I have 2 friends who know about the IVF...I communicate with one via email more often than not, but it's not on a regular basis anymore. The other friend I just got in touch with after months of trying.
- I ended up telling two girls here at work about the IVF. I doubted myself after I did it but then I realized it felt good to talk someone about it that wasn't my mom, brother, or J.
- The hormones are doing a number on my moods - I am on estr.ace and pro.gesterone in preparation for the big day.
- Tomorrow is the big day - transfer day! I am excited, scared, nervous, anxious, happy...you name it. It's been a roller coaster of emotions!
Monday, September 3, 2012
Day 2: Fire
I went with BBQ fire for Day 2 - we figured since it was Labor Day weekend we should have at least one night of cooking on the grill. As I was taking pictures J asked why I was taking pictures. When I explained why he offered to make it a "fire".
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Here are the prompts for the month...