Tuesday, May 29, 2012

More monitoring

Yesterday was another monitoring appointment to make sure I was responding to the higher dosage of meds. I am happy to say that I responded! I was so relieved when the doctor measured a 16mm follicle... the largest seen the other day was a 13, so I was pretty happy. Then after a bit more poking and a little more pressure she found a 20mm!! I was shocked! The doctor seemed really positive after the exam and told me that 20mm was the ticket. Our IUI is scheduled for Thursday morning.

I am going through so many different emotions right now. J said it best when he compared to what we are up against as to being up to bat in the 9th inning. It's as if the doctors and nurses are super excited and positive telling us we are going to hit a home run and they forget that we've already struck out 3 times. We still have a chance of passing along the Balanced Translocation to this baby which most likely means another miscarriage. I am not trying to be a Debbie Downer but it's always in the cards for me and it scares both of us. I am going to keep saying my prayers and stay positive. Maybe, just maybe this time it will be my turn!

Friday, May 25, 2012


“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” 
 Maya Angelou

I found this quote yesterday and it really hit home for me. I want to rise from all of this defeat.

We found out this morning that I only have 2 follicles - one is 13mm and the other is a 10...there were two others that were under 10. Not good. More decisions for us...do we stop now and wait until after the hysteroscopy and then start another round of IVF? Do we move this to an IUI? Another option was to go ahead with the retrieval but Dr. A said he would not recommend it and neither J or I want to go forward with a retrieval if it doesn't look promising. I think we are leaning towards the IUI - just need to find out the cost. I hate that we have to factor in the cost with all of our decisions. Our insurance doesn't cover any of this so everything, except oral meds, is out of pocket. So many different thoughts are swirling around in my head. Definitely need to go for a walk with J and the puppies to sort some of them out.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Some answers

I went in yesterday for my saline ultrasound, mock transfer, and monitoring. I was pretty surprised at how quickly our appointment went. We were both expecting to be there for most of the morning but we were done in about an hour. I got some answers...not exactly the answers I wanted. It doesn't look like I am responding as well to the meds as we had hoped...the monitoring showed the follicles were "small". I was not given an actual size. Last night we had to up the dosage and I go back in for more monitoring tomorrow.
During the saline U/S a polyp was found. Now I am looking at adding a hysteroscopy to our adventure. So it looks like if all goes well we'll do the retrieval next week, hysteroscopy next month and transfer in late July/August. I think I see a massage in my future...I need to do something to release the stress.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

So many questions

I am currently on Day 4 of Folli.stim and Meno.pur...so far not too bad. There have been plenty of mood swings as I am also using an estrogen patch. As my husband and I like to say I'm "hopped up on the E"...oh my! the crazy things I've said. We've both been working at losing weight and the other day J said he wanted to lose another 12 pounds. I went off on how insensitive it was of him to talk about losing more weight when he knew the meds I am on will most likely cause me to gain weight. A little later we both had a good laugh over it and blamed it on the "E". The odd thing is I've actually lost some weight this week - which made me wonder is this working? I know I've had some side effects but nothing horrible, so again I wonder...are these meds working the way they should?

We go in tomorrow for more monitoring and testing. My husband always laughs at the warning "Okay, a little pressure here"...it is pretty comical after all the probing I've gone through. Fingers are crossed for good news. Really hoping my TSH level is normal - I've been on meds for that too. If all goes well we are looking at a retrieval date of next Tuesday or Wednesday!

Friday, May 18, 2012

Who am I?  Why am I here? I have used that quote more than once after hearing James Stockdale opened the Vice Presidential debate with it in 1992. I realize that probably dates me a bit, but it's part of who I am and why I am here. I am someone of Advanced Maternal Age (I'm 41). One of my biggest fears was becoming "too old" to get pregnant.  Not only do I "suffer" from AMA but I also have a chromosomal abnormality; this was discovered after my second miscarriage last year. I will always be grateful to my Ob/Gyn for sending me to a specialist after 2 instead of waiting until the 3rd, which is the protocol. My abnormality is a Robertsonian Balanced Translocation (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robertsonian_translocation); most likely this is why we have gone through the miscarriages. Unfortunately, we never had any of the babies tested. I still kick myself for not having the third baby tested.

This month we start our road to IVF with PGD. I am excited, scared, nervous...you name it. I read a quote on a blog that made me decide it was time to jump into the blogging world while I am on this roller coaster. She said "While it’s not fun, it’s definitely better with support from others going through it too." Unfortunately, I cannot remember where I read that so if you are reading this and think "Hey I wrote that." thank you for writing something that gave me the push I needed to try to become a more active member of this club that no one signed up for.