Monday, November 5, 2012

Pig

I really wanted to title my post "Why me?" but I wanted to add some positive to this post as well so I am going to start with the positve before I go on to the not-so-positive.

I am not sure if I've let it be known or not that I am somewhat obsessed with Dave Matthews. One day last week I was having a rough time during my ride home so I did what I always do when I am feeling down...I turned on Dave. The song Pig started playing, well normally, I would just sing along and start feeling better thinking about the time I saw him play at Fenway and he opened with Pig. Um, not this time. I started really listening to the lyrics and started balling. When I heard these lyrics I thought of all of you and the love & support I have received.

This love will open our world
From the dark side we can see a glow of something bright
Oh, there's much more than we see here

I really don't know how I would have made it through this last loss without you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so very much for being there for me.

Now for the zingers...had my follow-up hcg test today. I am at 9...why can't it be below 5 already!??! Looks like I have to go back again next Monday. :( I am hoping that the pathology report will be back this week so I can meet with Dr. A on the same day I go in for the blood draw. One a positive note, our nurse has been the one doing the blood draws...no sympathetic looks and no bruises!!

Major zinger of the weekend...J and I went to the yard sales in the neighborhood on Saturday during the community yard sale. It wasn't easy because my original plan had been to look for baby stuff but I changed it to wanting to look for a cast iron pan and a weed whacker instead. Fail on both of those, but we did find some bargains and some heartache. When we stopped at one sale the woman said "I just have baby stuff and this entertainment center." J replied "Thanks, we don't need baby stuff or an entertainment center." The woman chuckled and said "Oh, all done having babies?" J smiled and we walked away. J grabbed my hand and asked if we could just go home and cry. I said I wanted to reply with "Yup, having 4 die was enough for us." I am really glad I didn't...it's not her fault and what good would it have done to make her feel horrible. We talked about it more than once and kept on trucking.

To end on a positive note, I am happy to report that I thoroughly enjoyed my "Two-Buck Chuck" from Trader Joe's this weekend!!

13 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry the blood draws keep dragging this out for you. I have had several with that pattern, and it sucks so badly to just want to be DONE, at least with the physical part. My brain never wants to engage with the mental/emotional part of the aftermath until the adrenaline from the physical part wears off, which unfortunately takes way too long sometimes.

    That woman at the garage sale is an asshole. I cannot even imagine being so privileged as to not think about checking myself before saying something so dumb. Gah. No, it wouldn't have helped you to make her feel bad about it, and you are not the one who should have to educate her, but I hope someone gives her a big dose of reality very soon so she can know better the next time such an opportunity presents itself!

    Glad the wine was good! :)

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    1. If I am lucky the physical part will be done on Monday and then the real healing can begin.

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  2. The yard sale story breaks my heart. Why can't people just learn to keep quiet about the procreation of others? *sigh*

    Yay for Trader Joe's!

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    1. Needless to say we were shocked by it...really wish people would think before they speak.

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  3. That yard sale lady SUCKS DONKEY BALLS.

    Yay for Chuck, Chuck saves the day.

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    1. Chuck definitely saved the day!! Might need to be stocking up on more of it!

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  4. I sometimes wish I carried a little note to hand to people who say those kind of things. It could be polite and friendly, but just point out how good it would be if they would think before they speak. One non-IF related one that always got me was 'smile, it might never happen'. How the hell do they not know that 'it' just did happen and your world will never be the same again, whatever 'it' may be.

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    1. I love that idea! no need to confront someone...just hand them a little note.

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  5. Such a stupid little question, but one that can cause so much pain. I'm sorry you had to hear it. I like EmHart's idea - that would certainly give people something to think about. Well, some people, anyway.

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    1. Thanks...it's amazing how neither of us have been able to let go of it yet.

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  6. You my friend, are stronger than I. I would have lashed out, said something to make that woman feel terrible, and then gone home to feel terrible myself. It's a worse situation like that, but I'm sick of being the bigger person. I'm too tired to be the bigger person right now.

    But OH the 2 buck chuck! I would love to share a bottle with you sometime. All hail Charles Shaw :)

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    1. I have to admit I am tired of being the bigger person...
      If you find yourself in San Antonio we are sharing a bottle of Two-Buck Chuck!!

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  7. I hope your beta levels drop off by next week...people can be real jerks sometimes!!

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