101st post!

I had been holding off on my 100th post last week, because I wanted it to be a good one. Well, instead you got a zebra.

I am a survivor!! My in-laws were here for 5 days I lived to tell about it! The visit was long and had some drama, but nothing major. I knew it was long when J said to me this morning "You know 5 days is long to have visitors."

I am going to give you some bullet points to fill you in on where I am at. I feel like if I try to write a proper post it's going to ramble and I am going to forget at least one thing.

* We had our "WTF" appointment with Dr. A...the path report for Fred came back inconclusive. Dr. A was really surprised. The report stated that the lab received tissue "conclusive with products of conception" but they were not able to grow any tissue to conduct the testing. Apparently this little one did not want us to know anything about him/her. Not sure if this helps or hurts my healing process. At least I know we tried to find out what went wrong. Dr. A said he was 70% certain it was a chromosome issue.

* As for what's next in our plan to become parents it looks like my eggs might be out of the picture. He said we could try one more round of IVF but it would need to happen NOW. Unfortunately, J and I do not have the money for that. Also, I am a bit concerned with doing another round of meds...doing three rounds in one year seems like a lot to me. J said "So it sounds like you are recommending donor eggs or adoption." Dr. A shook his head yes. He was so good to us during the appointment. When he said IVF would need to happen sooner rather than later he said he would work with us and see what could be done in terms of the cost. J and I still need to talk about what's next for us and  how we'd like to move forward. Unfortunately, the appt happened while his mom and her husband were here so we really haven't had a chance to talk.

* J's mom behaved while she was here and the drama was kept to a minimum! HUGE relief for me :) Both J and I were expecting at least some drama. Only thing that bothered me was that she did not really acknowledge the loss while she was with us in person. Well, at least not to me. J said she did ask how I was doing with everything. The morning of our appt she also said that if I didn't want to do anything afterwards it was okay with them.

* Garnett had another seizure this weekend. Thankfully the whole episode only seemed to last about 3 minutes. The downfall was a I failed again in terms of making sure J and Sadie were also on the other side of the door with me before shutting it. I just freak out when these happen...I need to get better at it. I am thinking if we make a check list of what we are both responsible for when it happens that will help me.

* I started seeing a therapis today! I'll call her Dr. S - today was just the in-take meeting but she seemed great. She said I sound like I am doing well, but she could understand why I'd like help getting "better".

* REALLY wishing we were heading off to Belize for Thanksgiving! I want to be here: