Why?

Warning - a pity party is about to begin as my inner-Nancy Kerrigan emerges.

Why? Why? Why me?????

I am 13dpiui and I started spotting last night. I really don't know what to think. It doesn't seem like it would be implantation bleeding. I tried so hard not get my hopes up to high during the last two weeks, but I admit it, I did. Especially when I had the hot flashes last week and Dr. Goo.gle told me that could be a sign of implantation. J and I joked about me having triplets because of the 3 mature follicles. I feel like those hopes came crashing down last night. I am still spotting today. I have cramps and feel bloated...signs of AF or being pregnant. It wasn't like this weekend wasn't going to be tough enough.

It's J's first Father's Day without his dad and the 2nd one without being a dad. We are going home to bury his dad this weekend. The services were pushed out to June so more family could attend. Once the date was set those family members who asked for the services to be moved announced they won't be able to attend. Really?!?! I don't care that you had issues with your father - you have siblings who are going to need you at this time. Be there for them! Oh my - so many emotions all at once. It's left me feeling quite miserable.

Oh wait, let's add one more...if our first pregnancy had been successful we would have added a first birthday to this weekend as well.

I would love a nice glass of red wine but until I know what's going on with this spotting it's off limits.

Again I go back to Nancy Kerrigan:  "Why? Why? Why me????????????"