Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Moving forward

I found a quote today that I fell in love with as soon as I read it. I've never liked the phrase "moving on" after tragedy.  We don't move on.  We move forward, taking memories, precious faces and stories, and the things we're learning with us. It resonated with me on so many levels.

I don't have all of the words or the ability to properly express my sadness regarding the events last Friday in Sandy Hook. The pain I felt was more intense than I expected. I want to find a way to remember the innocent victims. This post really made me think: http://dykeintheheartoftexas.com/2012/12/16/his-name-is-noah-pozner/. I am choosing to remember Dylan Hockley and Anne Marie Murphy.

We had the follow-up appointment with Dr. A today regarding my surgery. It turns out that the laproscopy was definitely beneficial. He found Stage 1 endometriosis. He was not overly concerned about it...the big surprise was the fibroids he found when he was in there. He showed us pictures of them this morning. Um, wow. So glad we decided to move forward with the surgery. It sounded like surgery would have happened once the fibroids had died on their own. Dr. A said eventually they would have caused me a great deal of pain.

We also talked about the future and what options are out there for us. We talked a lot about the possibility of using frozen donor eggs. There is an "Assured" plan that would reimburse us 100% if we went through the program and were not successful. If you opt out on your own you are reimbursed up to 80%. Should you be successful in round 1 or 2, well, you paid a little extra.

We are also going to get a price from Dr. A's office for a fresh donor cycle. He said that he would offer us a "frequent flyer" price.

I don't think we'll be making any decisions soon, so we might consider a medicated IUI in January. There is still a lot of talking to do before making that decision. We both know our chances of success are not great but the fear of it being successful and resulting in another loss is very real.

We also had to change Garnett's medicine again...we'll be upping the dose of one of his meds as he had another seizure Saturday night. I am really hoping that he is safe and stays seizure free next week while we are away for the holidays. I hate to think about something happening while we are so far away.

So for now, I am going to do my best to truly take this cycle off and just let things be. I am going to do my very best to move forward.


  1. You have a lot of healing to do. Taking this time off to just breath for a bit is going to be really helpful in the long run. I hope you find much peace this holiday season. xo

  2. You never know with an IUI especially after had the surgery!!!