This is me the week of our wedding...this is me before 4 miscarriages...this is me before 2 surgeries in 6 months...this is me before my thyroid decided to go wonky. I miss that "me".
I have been so moody since the surgery last week...I really didn't expect that part of the procedure at all. I did my best to prepare myself for the physical side of it but completely spaced on the emotional side. J and I have snapped at each other more in the past week than we have in a long time. He commented on it the other night and said we really need to work harder at not butting heads so often. I completely agree! I hate it. I really want us to figure out how to get it to stop before going home to MA for the holidays. I can't imagine what would happen if I snapped at him in front of his mom...ugh. We snapped in front of my Mom, but she "got it"...she understood we were both under stress; especially J, because it happened as he was going back to work.
I have an appointment on Monday with Dr. S, my therapist, and J is going with me. I think it will be really good for both of us. My last appointment with her went well, but went in a direction that I did not see coming. When I left I wondered how we spent my whole appointment talking about alternative ways for J and I to become parents when I am still reeling from the last loss. I have had such a tough time recovering emotionally from this one...I find myself thinking "Why me?" a lot and I don't like how that feels. I had a meltdown over the weekend because I am tired of feeling so broken. I want to feel positive about what's next...problem is, I don't know what's next.
Tuesday is the follow-up appointment with Dr. A ...hoping that helps us start a conversation about what's next for us.
Next time I promise to bring some cheese to go with my whine!